February - living a heartfelt life

"I had fallen out of love with myself and with my work. I had a sense of treading water. But somewhere along the way I found my feet again and felt grounded. I came back to centre.

From the outside it probably all looked smooth. I looked like I was growing and trying new things but I felt jolted and out of control, a bad dancer at the disco! I had to find a way to sustain myself, to stop relying on others for my sense of worth, to find it in me. We took a family trip to the National Space Centre and there was a film in the planetarium called 'We are all Stars', about our place in the cosmos. It was awe-some. Such a tiny spec of insignificance, I am. Such a miracle. Such hugeness and insignificance. I will be gone in the blink of a cosmic eye. And I asked myself why I worry? Why do I question who I am and what I am doing? Why do I try to control the course of each day. I need to accept who I am, what I am, where I am."

I wrote the words above on a dark and dank February day last year. I recently reread it and found solace in reminding myself of my significance and insignificance. I am here. I am me. And that settles me. Whilst I am painting and growing and sewing, cooking and knitting, I am not consuming and destroying. I AM CREATING!